Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
