My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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