Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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