I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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