Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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