Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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