I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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