Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
