the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
