I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
