Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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