I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had to cum in my sink.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
