How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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