oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
