that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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