oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
