she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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