Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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