no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
