Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
