the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
