ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
