How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
