Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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