I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dicks are not precious.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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