That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
