Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
