The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize