I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
