It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
