soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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