A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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