We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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