dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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