Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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