Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
