I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Text me some of your sweat
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