my mouth tastes like poor choices
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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