Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
