remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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