You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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