just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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