You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
