do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
