oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
