My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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