Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
