Barsexuality is the new black.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
