thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
