bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
