I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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