I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
