Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
