he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
