Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
