thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
