I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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