hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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