The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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