Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
