got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
