is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
