There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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