My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
