Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
