Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
