went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
