covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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