we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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