fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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