tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
