For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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