So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
