so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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