i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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