So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
