i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's always time for handjobs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
