if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
