Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
