god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
