True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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