woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
