Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
